Let’s see if you can follow my logic. Imagine I am a property developer trying to maximize my profitability. I learn that I can qualify for Rebuild Rhode Island Tax Credits of $1,760,000 if I build a condo development with at least 20 units. Free money seems pretty good to me.

I have some land where I can build, but it is not really suitable for a 20-unit building. There is not enough land, it is zoned for way smaller construction, and it is an historically sensitive tourist location. What should I do? I decide to build a 20-unit monster in the wrong place. I know I could build something smaller which is appropriate for the site, but I want that $1.76 million. 

So let’s design a structure that barely fits on the lot and dwarfs the neighboring buildings. Let’s build it like a box with a flat top to get 20 miniature living units, and 68 smaller than allowed parking spaces inside the box.

Because I need to get all these units and my required parking into the building, let’s design a long and high monolithic wall on a prime waterfront street, where walking traffic could be attracted by local history and unique retail color.

Forget the streetfront retail, which would improve downtown commerce and make the building more appealing to the public. I will say that FEMA regs would disallow retail, knowing instead that with proper flood proofing, retail is permitted at street level in this location.

Wait, I forgot that Rebuild Rhode Island requires some business in the project. Let’s include a pizza restaurant, across the street from an existing pizza restaurant. I will make it gourmet pizza. That’s a good fit for the Bristol restaurant scene. The menu specialty could be Maine lobster pizza. 

Now comes the sell job. I need to convince local decision makers that I deserve the $1.76 million. I will tell them about the economic impact of pizza restaurant service jobs, and how much lobster pizza I will sell. I will tell them about the financial stimulation of the seasonal, second-home, miniature condo buyers.

I will suggest that property tax revenues will be a windfall, without explaining that the entire project is likely to generate less than $150,000 per year.

I will not describe the increased costs to the town. I need to make density a virtue, ignoring the huge unused factory building two blocks away, with 96 planned condo units. It is important that I build first, so that my cramped project is not compared to that competition.

I will ignore the degradation caused to the historic character of the prime waterfront tourist area. I know that the quaint historic appeal of this Rhode Island waterfront town, with lovely shopping and upscale restaurants, will be the basis of my condo sales campaign to wealthy New Yorkers. But I am not responsible for providing that ambiance, only for selling what is left of it. 

That should do it. The $1.76 million is in the bag. Thanks, Rhode Island Commerce Corporation! Sorry, Bristol. 

Robert Jacobus

35 Church St.

Bristol