Letter: To be quite frank, that fork is intolerable

Posted 9/2/17

To the editor:

It has been over a year since several of us with better taste and an eye for what is proper and decorous publicly called for the removal of Westport’s insidious “fork in the …

This item is available in full to subscribers.

Please log in to continue

Log in

Register to post events


If you'd like to post an event to our calendar, you can create a free account by clicking here.

Note that free accounts do not have access to our subscriber-only content.

Day pass subscribers

Are you a day pass subscriber who needs to log in? Click here to continue.


Letter: To be quite frank, that fork is intolerable

Posted

To the editor:

It has been over a year since several of us with better taste and an eye for what is proper and decorous publicly called for the removal of Westport’s insidious “fork in the road.”  Since that time, neither taste nor civility has yet prevailed, and the hideous sculpture continued to blight our town’s otherwise precious sense of propriety and manner. 

But not even the persistent tastelessness of this offense could have prepared me for the sheer indecency of Shorelines’ August 17 photograph of a giant Vienna sausage (in a commoner’s parlance, a “hot dog”) atop the thing … I clutched my pearls so violently I nearly gave myself vertigo. 

Good heavens! How can polite society tolerate the unbridled vulgarity of such a savage, phallic shape for all to see!  I concede that skirted piano limbs are no longer de rigueur in the more average households, but how are we as a civilized society to manage in the midst of such outlandish and public brandishing of the scandalously suggestive shape of a fairgrounds foodstuff?  

This situation is intolerable, and I demand the fork and its giant flesh-toned appendage be removed post haste.  If I may be, eh, … frank, the fork has indeed gone from bad to wurst.

Eunice Wentworth Howell

Westport

Editor's note: Eunice Wentworth ‘Lovey’ Howell is the pen name of a Westport resident who preferred to contribute satire anonymously, “for fear of angry socialites, historians, and other pitchfork-wielding traditionalists.” But since our policy is to include the actual names of letter authors, he reluctantly agreed to let us reveal that he is really Zach Taylor of Westport.

2024 by East Bay Media Group

Barrington · Bristol · East Providence · Little Compton · Portsmouth · Tiverton · Warren · Westport
Meet our staff
Jim McGaw

A lifelong Portsmouth resident, Jim graduated from Portsmouth High School in 1982 and earned a journalism degree from the University of Rhode Island in 1986. He's worked two different stints at East Bay Newspapers, for a total of 18 years with the company so far. When not running all over town bringing you the news from Portsmouth, Jim listens to lots and lots and lots of music, watches obscure silent films from the '20s and usually has three books going at once. He also loves to cook crazy New Orleans dishes for his wife of 25 years, Michelle, and their two sons, Jake and Max.